Life according to me…

So I just got done watching this sad but bittersweet show. It’s called Operation Homecoming and it follows families as their loved ones come home from military service after being gone for 12 months and stuff. It’s on TLC. I decided to record it and watch it instead of the normal Memorial Day services, because to me, watching men and women come home after serving our country is just as good as remembering the ones who have fallen.

It was an awesome show. The family I just got done watching had a set of twins both in the army who hadn’t seen each other in Iraq at all. Then they ran into each other out of coincidence one day and after seeing each other for that day, one brother was hit and injured. The brother who was not hit was coming home and did not know his brother would be there at the reunion. Neither did their parents. It was so sweet. The brothers were playful with each other and kidded around and got together with their families and then the injured brother gave his twin his purple heart medal…because he said he kept his eyes open and didn’t let go while he was hurt because he wanted to see his brother again, because they share the same heart. HOW AWESOME IS THAT!?!?

It’s not everyone that is called to be in a military family. I know because my dear sweet friend is a Navy wife and she has dealt with her share of military family woes and highs and lows. I have watched her in amazement as she has gone through deployments and all of the things being in the military brings. She has handled herself with strength and poise and her husband has been strong and loving even when he was away. Those are the people who we should honor. It’s not easy to be in the military and to serve our country, especially right now. I thank God for the men and women who go and do what the rest of us don’t have the balls to do and to go and get it done with class. We are safe and free because of those people, no matter how corny and hokey that sounds. Thanks to everyone in the military from the cooks to the gunners to the mine sweepers to the nurses and pilots. We live in a pretty cool place because of you. God bless ya.

Corny or not, this message needed to be written. Never take advantage of the chance to say thank you.

So Steve and I went back to church a few weeks ago. Well, we went back to our home church. A few weeks before that we visited another church that our friend goes to up in Winter Park. I loved it, but Steve wasn’t as crazy about it. It was mostly the preaching that Steve wasn’t used to - it was a historical lesson with lots of background and information and it was easy to get lost in if you weren’t totally awake and such. Steve was very tired from working the day before. I loved the lesson, it was something that empowered me and I felt that God really spoke to me through the entire thing. It was exciting for me.

Crosspointe (our home church) is where we have gone since Steve became a Christian and the Pastor there married us. It is where most of our Christian friends go to church - and it is not too far away. We haven’t been to church in a long time because of various reasons - first I was on bedrest and couldn’t attend, then I had the kids and having that many and trying to get them to church was hard. We tried once and the entire day was spent getting ready, attending, and then recovering from being there because church falls during naptime. Now they have an earlier service and if we can force ourselves to get up and be there for that one, we can make it to church and still have a day together. We have wanted to go back for a long time but have always had something going on - sick kids, Steve working until 3am the night before or having to work during the day on Sunday…always something. It’s not easy for us to get to church.

Well, things are getting easier and we are making an effort to go to church. Of course, the kids still get sick and Steve still has to work, but we get there when we can. Steve is taking Sunday off now so the entire day can be spent resting and being at church. The problem is that I really enjoyed the church in Winter Park but Steve wants to stay with Crosspointe. I don’t feel like Crosspointe has room for me in the areas that I feel God has called me to minister in, and the message we heard when we finally went back was about serving in your church family and how if you aren’t then you aren’t a part of the ‘body’, so it is hard to feel like I have a place there. I haven’t had the guts to ask if I can get back on the praise team and serve again like I used to. I am very afraid of rejection and being told they have no room for me. I don’t think it is right to put a cap on someone’s desire to minister. If 100 people feel God calling them to sing, then let them. God will work out the details about scheduling, fitting voices together, and all fo that. That is how I feel. But, their rejection could be God telling me that I need to sit in the congregation and be fed some more before I am ready to serve. If that is the case, I will honor that. But it never comes across that way. I hope it does this time….

In July the church is having a push for getting more people to serve in the areas that I want to serve in, getting more people signed up to help. Hopefully this is my doorway into being able to serve again. I want to go where my husband is comfortable, because I want him to feel like he is being fed and can be the spiritual leader of our home. But I so enjoyed the Winter Park church and the feeling I had after the message. I felt God had spoken to me more directly than I feel at CP. Who knows what that means though. Maybe I just liked a different atmosphere.

For now, Steve and I are attending Crosspointe when the twins allow us, and I am praying and waiting for July for the chance to get back into the praise team and worship and singing which I miss so terribly. I will honor whatever God allows me to do and if they do not allow me on the worship team again, I will take it as a sign from God and will continue on being fed and such at CP. That is where my husband wants to be and I must respect his decision.

It’s official. Two weeks ago I began weaning myself back off effexor again by replacing it with Lexapro, which is a safer drug that is not known for any severe side effects or withdrawl symptoms. This time I started the new drug while cutting down the old one, and poof - effexor is now out of my system and has been for a week now. I did have some awful migraine headaches the past few days but for the most part I have been feeling just fine. I am finally off of that awful medicine. I have thrown it all away.

The new medicine has really made a difference. I am not tired and lazy all the time. I keep up with my home and chores much more than I used to. I am better at discussing things with Steve now because I don’t get angry and shut down all the time and just give up because I am so depressed. I feel like a new person and I am so glad I finally was able to switch and get away from Effexor. That has been one of my goals for over 6 months.

So we are in the process of trying to find another place to live. We were going to move into mom’s house but the place she was getting didn’t come through. So, I went lightning-speed apartment searching these past two days and found a nice place a little bit north of here, close to UCF. It is bigger, newer, not government subsidized so it won’t be full of trashy people who don’t give a crap and are ignorant, has an after school program, and is also part of the school district with very good, brand new schools, and we are going for it. It is also run by a well-known apartment management company and not some weird people like our current place. Yes, I am not happy where I live right now, can ya tell??

God has really come through for us, yet again. He is providing us a place to live, a means to get qualified and into the place and everything. I am so excited about this move. The past few times my family has moved, I have been pretty incapacitated and unable to be an active participant. I look forward to boxing everything up how I want to, getting rid of what I don’t want, and unpacking and putting things away and where I want. Not that I didn’t appreciate the help the other times, for goodness sakes, we moved up and down a third floor and I SOOOO appreciated the help we got. We couldn’t have done it without everyone who supported us both times we had to move. It was just hard to be an observer with all of my own stuff. I had to ask for help to move anything. Lucky for all of us, this time I am not carrying twins and I can help out. I hope to do lots during the move - I can’t wait to set up our new home. I want to start packing now but I promised myself I would clean out a few closets before I did that. Got 2 more and then it’s time to pack!!! Our new apartment will have more closet space and storage than the last, it will have berber style carpet which is sooooo much cleaner…and it will have a bonus area for either a playroom or computer room. It is much bigger than this apartment. We will probably make it a computer room and put a gate up so the kids will stay away from the office stuff. I CAN’T WAIT! Thank you Lord for helpin us out.

Gotta run, every child in my home is demanding my attention but I wanted to brag on God for a while and I intend to write more soon - gotta tell about school, my meds, church…so much!!!! OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!

Okay, so Katie and Matt and I crazily took Elisa and saw Episode 3 this Friday. Whoa. She is not one to sit so still even though she really expressed interest in seeing the movie. I learned during trying to get her quiet for most of the movie that she expected to see Darth Vader (Dark Vader as she calls him) during the entire movie and not just the end. So, she wiggled, ate popcorn, spoke loudly, wiggled some more and basically drove me insane during most of the movie but then was perfectly still for the last half hour or so. She said her favorite part was the ‘little green guy’. When we got home I borrowed Matt’s copies of the other eps and she watched Episode 4 and half of 5. We are going to work on the rest when Elisa gets home today from visiting Pawpaw.

I took Scott to see Ep 3 on Saturday as well. Jacquie wasn’t interested in seeing it and I welcomed the chance to see it without Elisa jumping and making noise and the break from the kids, so I went again. Britney met us there and we sat up at the top which I hardly ever do. I missed lots of stuff the first time around, it was nice to see it all without the 4-year old interruptions. I haven’t seen a movie more than once and during opening weekend since Titanic. Saw that three times in the theater - 2 of them opening weekend. I know, I am a dork.

THE MOVIE WAS AMAZING!!!! It was the perfect tie between the first two movies and the last three. You will love it even if you have never been a true fan like me. I promise.

The movie also makes you want to go back and see the other older ones, so be prepared to do that. I am working through them amongst the kiddos. Lucky for me Elisa likes watching them except for the long fight sequences. She could care less about the Death Star or an At-At. She likes yoda and Darth and watching everyone interact. It’s cute to watch her watching the movies.

I do believe this ends my ranting on Star Wars for a while. At least until they come out in 3-D!!!!! Whoohoo!!!