Life according to me…

Ya know, I normally try to never complain about being a mom because it truly is a great job. I don’t have to deal with office politics (unless I have to negotiate a toy away from Sarah that she took from Stephen who is fussing on the floor about it), I can take long lunches (as long as I fix enough to share with everyone while I eat), I get to stay in my jammies all day if I want to, I have great co-workers who never stab me in the back (I enjoy being their favorite even if it makes Daddy jealous), office conversation normally includes the alphabet and animals on the farm, and once in a while I do even get a day off which I absolutely love because I come back so refreshed and to their smiling faces running towards me. Sure, I don’t have awards or a paycheck or fringe benefits…but my job is pretty cool.

Well, being 6 months pregnant it is starting to become a bit more cumbersome than I expected. I guess when I found out I was only having one baby and this pregnancy started out so well I expected the entire thing to just breeze by and not effect me physically at all. Well, little soccer player in my tummy is starting to prove me wrong. I am getting more and more tired as the days go by. I am having a harder time reaching to the floor to pick up all of the toys. And the hormones! I just can’t get them in check some days! The one thing that is becoming the hardest for me is going places with all 3 kids by myself. Putting the twins in the car takes two trips because they run all over if I let them out together. Then I have to get the diaper bag together, sippies, snacks, clothes, sometimes the stroller…strap everyone in and I am sweating to death no matter what the weather is like outside. I can’t tell you how many times I have prepared for a trip and gotten in the van to leave only to realize I didn’t even check to see what my hair looked like and barely got my clothes to match when I put them on.

I don’t like to complain. This pregnancy has been heavenly and I will miss being pregnant and growing babies in my belly when it is all over. And, my three babies behave WONDERFULLY the majority of the time. All of them are self-contained and can play with their toys and with each other and keep entertained most of the day. I guess the normal tasks of being a mother of three are a bit tiring when you are working on number 4 as well. I count the minutes until Steve comes home on some days because I know he can help me and he does it so gracefully and generously.

What’s to come? What happens when we hit the third trimester in a month and the tiredness sets back in from the first trimester, I get so big I am even more clumsy, and Sarah and Stephen grow closer and closer to the magic age of ‘2′? I don’t know but I am tired so I think I am going to go lay down and try not to think about it!

Here we are. Thanksgiving came and went - and ours was very nice. We went to Steve’s grandmothers for part of the day and then concluded at my mom’s for the latter part. We ate like pigs and are still feasting on momma’s scrumptious leftovers. It was neat at mom’s house - we let all the kids run around in the backyard, the weather was nice…and the twins had never gotten to play in the backyard before. They ran around and laughed and chased Molly and had a nice time. Everyone was behaving and it turned out to be a great day. I am so thankful for everything in my life including our awesome families.

And now, the Christmas rush is finally upon us! I have all of our decorations here in boxes…the tree waits at dad’s house to be retrieved and put up. It’s a family tree that my parents got a long time ago and I am proud to now have it as ours. Christmas has always been a bittersweet holiday in my family with my grandmother’s passing back in 1986 and our move to Florida occurring right after. This year it will be equally as bittersweet with Alex being far away for the first time. We remember all of our family with each tradition, ornament, and special moment we have together and that makes the holiday an amazing one every year.

Alex and Courtney are about to be parents! I am so excited for them I can barely stand it. They have been there for each of the births of my kids and unfortunately, I will not be arriving in their world until the baby is a few days old. With the logistics of having a manager husband and little ones that we had to work around it wasn’t possible, but I will get to see them and meet my nephew very soon! I am so proud of them, I know it’s not easy to move far away from your friends and family while pregnant and they have seemed to have kept things together and grown so much. I know they will be amazing parents and I can’t wait.

That’s my update for now. I have another doctor visit next Monday. The baby is moving all over the place now - Steve and Elisa have both felt him move. I have been kicked hard lately - I got a soccer player in there! While watching a movie the other night I was kicked so hard in the bladder I had to immediately run to the bathroom for fear of losing control. Having babies is wonderful! We are hoping to get an ultrasound sometime this month to find out what the baby is - more like, to confirm my feeling that it’s a boy. Hehehehe. Will update after the doc visit. Love and Peace to everyone this holiday season!

If there is any part of me that has undergone the most abuse and stress physically in the past 5 years or so, it is my belly.

When I was pregnant with Elisa - the stretch marks first came. Then I had gall bladder problems. Not too long after she was born I had surgery - removal of my gall bladder RIGHT THROUGH my belly button. I have scars from that as well as the stretch marks.

Then I got pregnant with the twins. The stretch marks grew with each month. Luckily I had no major tummy issues but then again, the twins were delivered through my tummy. Of course, my tummy was so stretched out it never fully recovered from carrying the twins - the 13 pounds of them I had plus all their ‘oven space’. Just as I was starting to recover and lose weight….

Surprise! Baby 4 is on the way! This time, the stretch marks are appearing in different places as I am carrying differently than I ever have before. I feel lots of stretching and cramping and can finally feel baby kicking and see him moving and such. I can feel movement all the way down to the bottom of my tummy and sometimes way up to the top. I look more pregnant than I actually am which is a result of having more than one child and being a big gal. I don’t mind too much.

All in all, my tummy has been very good to me. I am confident that after this pregnancy and tubal I will be able to finally do some crunches and diet and lose some weight. I will have to if I want to keep up with 4 children. I don’t want to be too tired or lazy to take care of them and the key to that is losing weight and I plan to start with my belly as soon as the doctor releases me to be able to exercise after the birth. My tummy is my trophy for having carried all these children and I wear it proudly every day - I just don’t show it to ANYONE because battle scars have their own special appearance that I like to keep private. Even if the tummy is currently working on cooking another baby Coyle.

I have decided. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions. That is what makes us humans special. You can even act based on those feelings and opinions and you can even act in a way that is hurtful towards others. As long as I understand your reasons for your feelings and opinions, then do whatever you want. You won’t hurt me anymore.

Things happen in the lives of those closest to us and to each of us that sometimes we can’t explain, or be blamed for, or accept responsiblity for. Life moves in the course it is going to go and sometimes we can’t stop it. But, some people just need someone to blame.

I forgive you for the way you treat me. I understand that you need to blame me for all the hurt you have watched someone go through and that I happen to be a good target for that. It’s okay with me. At least you are working through your feelings somewhat.

I have just decided that your feelings towards me will not govern my own self worth or how I feel about myself any longer. I am a good person and I never intentionally hurt anyone including my friends, family, even you - who obviously has issue with me. I forgive you for the way you treat me and I will no longer question it or be upset over what could have caused such angst.

I have one of the most abundant lives possible. I don’t have issues in my past that haunt me because I have God in my heart and He has taught me the meaning of forgiveness and love without boundaries. I have beautiful children and a great husband who loves me and cares for me in good and bad times. I have a family that has weathered some of the worst storms imaginable and has come through - thanks to the love of Jesus Christ and His forgivness. I have friends who are priceless. I have things that others envy - but that could also be theirs if they just GOT OVER THINGS. Sure, my life isn’t perfect…but the love that I have for my family and friends and the love they show to me is enough to handle any insecure people who try to ruin my happiness. You will not ruin my happiness any longer. You are forgiven and forgotten…and I will pray you get the help you need to hopefully show you how to live life more abundantly. No matter how you act or behave, I still love you.

Thanks folks, I know that the above is a bit cryptic, but I had to get it out. Sometimes writing is just the most cleansing, theraputic act I can do. Now I feel better. Love!