Life according to me…

poign·ant [poin-yuhnt, poi-nuhnt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. keenly distressing to the feelings: poignant regret.
2. keen or strong in mental appeal: a subject of poignant interest.
3. affecting or moving the emotions: a poignant scene.
4. pungent to the smell: poignant cooking odors.
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME poynaunt < MF poignant, prp. of poindre < L pungere to prick, pierce. See pungent, -ant

i looked this up to make sure i spelled the word correctly in my previous post. i was moved by all the definitions. i dunno why, but i wanted to share. and save it forever via blogging. gotta love it.

couldnt have come at a more poignant time. thanks, rob thomas.

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

And the best thing? Now you can see something funny on TV and then GOOGLE it, FIND it, and put it in your BLOG! Ah, technology…gotta love it, LINT LICKER!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) - Frequent tours for U.S. forces in Iraq and Afghanistan have stressed the all-volunteer force and made it worth considering a return to a military draft, President Bush’s new war adviser said Friday.
“I think it makes sense to certainly consider it,” Army Lt. Gen. Douglas Lute said in an interview with National Public Radio’s “All Things Considered.”
“And I can tell you, this has always been an option on the table. But ultimately, this is a policy matter between meeting the demands for the nation’s security by one means or another,” Lute added in his first interview since he was confirmed by the Senate in June.
President Nixon abolished the draft in 1973. Restoring it, Lute said, would be a “major policy shift” and Bush has made it clear that he doesn’t think it’s necessary.

DO NOT REINSTATE THE DRAFT. PLEASE. AMERICA, STAND UP AND LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.

so i never got back and wrote more. whoops. hehe. i’ll try, all i can do, right?

i gotta get this out. i wasn’t going to say anything, but back when i struggled so badly with my depression and anxiety this blog was the one thing - the one outlet i used to get me through. why the heck wouldn’t i use it now???

ya got me. ya snuck up from behind me and sucker punched me and i fell for it. i fell hard. i let you ruin 5 of what should have been the best days of my summer. shame on me. then i get home and realize you have caused me to relapse into depressions not seen since the crisis of august 2004. headaches. body aches. laziness. fatigue. the other night i actually said, ‘ahhhhh, my bed, my favorite place in the whole world’. i have spent the majority of the past few days in the bed, in my favorite place instead of up playing with my kids and trying to move past this and move on. well, no more. you are done.

i acknowledge that i have to deal with the physical as well as the mental symptoms of my disorders and i will do that. i also realize that i let you have too much power over me and my feelings and i am giving that up right now. i can remember writing this about another toxic person in my life and once i released the power that person had, i began to heal and now i am going to do that same thing again, because i want to heal. i don’t want to dread getting out of bed, getting off the sofa, getting up to do anything. i don’t want to look forward to bedtime ALL DAY LONG. i don’t want to hurt anymore, on the outside or inside. what you did was unquestionably out of line, but it is not my place to point that out to you or make you understand or apologize. i must come to the point of forgiving you and moving past it and that is my focus right now. you cannot have anymore power over me. it’s over. forgiven? i am working on that, i know i have nothing to lose and much to gain by doing so but the things i have felt the past week are weighing on me so hard that i have to work to release them and i think i will be more open to forgiveness once i get out of this slump…but i will. count on it.

i am going to try to lose weight. i am going to try to be more active with my kids and spend more quality time with them. i am going to get over the fear of taking them all out in public that is constantly perpetrated by the looks and smiles and crap i get when i do take them out. i am going to focus on their well being and having fun as my priority and say the heck with what people think. somehow.

i can talk a big talk, but i know i have to focus on this and pray for the will do to it all. it will happen. it has to. being a mother of 4 kids isn’t going to get any easier and i might as well start working to make it more amenable so that i don’t end up regretting and hating the rest of my time with my kids while they are smaller.

it can happen. i just have to let go of some things, realize what is causing some things, and formulate a plan to deal with it all and i have. so poo on all you negative ones. only positive from now on. if you are reading this, hold me to it, would ya???? thanks.